I remember feeling that the transition from school to university was hard, until now - when the transition from university back to school (as a student teacher) proved to be worse.
School. School is that place in which I loathed to spend my time, a place that stifled my inner freedom to the point of claustrophobia. That place, a structure as concrete as dogma, is now my world of teaching practise, learning and thought. And it's a strange place to be: the other side of the large, front desk, teaching a class comprised of versions of my old self, fragmented yet bound together in a new generation.
I DO enjoy teaching school students - when they are like the two senior classes i currently have: rowdy but responsive; silly yet sharp; potentially serious, and (thankfully) mostly humorous. But not all classes are like these, especially those which are uncontrollable, and cause you to question your abilities as a teacher, lacking in adequate abilities do an effective job in every classroom, irrespective of the circumstances or students in it. Today, i had one such class. We did a good job as a team: i wrecked my vocal chords as they went about wrecking my self-esteem. I don't harbour any feelings of dislike for them, even after being told - quite pointedly - that they dislike my subject (English) and are only attentive in their favourite classes: Natural Science and Arts & Culture.
I understand that students have preferences, and respect that. I believe that my determination to have them develop a fondness for my subject is a waste of the energy of which i am bereft at the end of the day. I also know that i am fixating too much on this single, bad lesson, and allowing it to extinguish other better and awesome lessons i have had thus far. While this class didn't amanage to chip away at my core (which i need to be in a healthy, bright and inspiring state for teaching), they succeeded at making me hell-bent on returning to them on Tuesday with an altered approach and killer lesson-plan.
Tuesday is also the day that my supervisor comes to visit - and evaluate my abilities as a prospective teacher.